Fear. What is it really? – mirrors –

It’s disbelieving, really. Years ago I would finished reading a 20 page article in a few hours tops. Now I’m struggling to top even finish them in a day. What could be so different? I even finished that Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire in 2 or 3 days, with school!

Maybe I just out if practice for speedreading, or something… But my average speed for reading is way faster than most of them, I could easily understand what an article talking about while looking over someone shoulders and asking them to turn the pages after a few seconds scanning does have their moments. I learned to just patiently let them read the whole thing and wait.

…that reminds me. I often noticed that I have a terrible memory in remembering faces. People faces, human. But have absolutely no problem remembering how objects looked l like, and how easily I could “delete” faces from memory. personally, I think this is not a very good thing…

Maybe I’m just easily distracted?

I can’t even remember how my face looked like even. Dont mention mirrors, I really dislike the moment you step into an elevator with wall mirrors.

Do I really have this fear of mirror?

Go up to a mirror. Get close to it, and press your forehead against the glass. Stare into your own reflections eyes for as long as you can, without blinking. Focus, and concentrate. When you blink, do it all over again. Do this 3 or 4 times, and suddenly, when you are so focussed on not blinking, take a look.

I actually dont want to do this exercise. I have this sinking feeling that I won’t like what I see. I will ask, “Who is this creature staring back at me?”.

Oh gods, now I’m having suggestions that I feared cameras too.

Maybe it’s that. Fear if reflections, of life? Or fear of thyself? Myself?

There’s proof too! I rarely have images of faces, animals! But I have lenses on everything else. I can’t remember the l last time I actually, willingly, took my own picture. It’s a dreading feeling. Seeing yourself in the picture, but subconscious telling you that the one in the picture is not yourself, but something…. someone else.

Is there such thing as a fear of sleep? Of closing your eyes?

I did experience this, many times. Though I suspect movies are the main cause. When you close your eyes, images came. In mine, I saw various things, sometimes I even wonder that I’m dreaming, but I’m sure I did not….

Probably my imagination getting high, should’ve avoided that cake.

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